Continued from here.
It was an early evening in late July. The sun was pouring onto my street, into the house and seeping into the yard. It was warm outside and I was with three of my closest friends, S.D., my boyfriend at the time, my best friend, Hannah, and her boyfriend, Alex.
Hannah and Alex had gone out to the backyard and were sitting on the trampoline eating pizza. I was in the kitchen getting my plate of food, and my boyfriend was close behind me getting his. I turned to leave and go towards the backdoor to go outside, but before I could go anywhere I got that familiar drip in my nose.
I spent the next half hour in the bathroom trying to contain the mess as best I could. My boyfriend hovered in the hallway. I tried to pretend everything was just fine and make it look as best I could.
Still, after thirty minutes and the bleeding still had not stopped, my mother decided to take me to an urgent care center. She told this to S.D.
“Can I come?” He said.
Was he just saying that because that’s what every good boyfriend is supposed to do in this situation? Or does he genuinely care? This was the first time anything medically had happened to me, but even though this was a unique situation the two of us hadn’t even really encountered before, I wasn’t quite convinced. Even though I was puzzled, the three of us and my bloody nose piled into the van and headed to the hospital.
I remember hiding. I hid the fact that inside I was absolutely terrified and that it scared me to see how much blood I was losing. I hid my tears as I pulled towards the opposite door from him and stared intently out the window.
My nosebleed had stopped by the time we reached the urgent care center, but even while in the waiting room I felt like I needed to hide the mess. I couldn’t control it, but I still tried to sweep the imperfections under the rug and do the best I could to feel like I wasn’t at the hospital because of blood spilling from the front of my face.
S.D. may have cared a great deal. I was probably projecting insincerity onto him because of my own insecurity and lack of comfort with him in our relationship. So despite asking the wrong questions about him, it still taught me something very valuable relationships.
Having a blood nose worthy of a hospital admittance is an imperfection I cannot control or hide, and a similar situation is bound to come up again during my life. I needed to be with someone who I could be vulnerable with. Trust is the key element.
This is why when I experienced a nosebleed of the same magnitude a second time, I was surprised to find myself so comfortable with S.O, my current boyfriend. I was able to sit in the waiting room with a tissue stuck inside my nostril, my face a mess, lips chapped and eyes red from crying, and he still loved me as much as when I was “perfect” and healthy. While I wasn’t exactly happy, I could at least trust him to not turn away from me and to continue loving me despite my imperfect nose.
Because Love shows up in the oddest places.