What are the odds?

Posted on October 29, 2007


At the moment, I feel like I’m in the middle of several games. Feeling a tiny bit like a child because of the realization that they don’t stop even when we do “grow up”.

The weather is growing slowly colder and everyone is moving in a step closer. Maybe we’re all just trying to keep from freezing.

It’s anyone’s guess.

One is choosing the game, one is determining the pawns, another is rolling the dice. One is calculating risk, one takes a step, one simply tries to knocks another player off the board… At one moment I feel like a pawn, the next I am a Chess Master. But who would I be if there were not moments where I wonder what game is being played and who in the world decided the rules?

And we wonder why we’re so cold! There’s more than what the thermometer hanging from the corner of the house can tell us.

Even while feeling slightly overwhelmed, contentedness isn’t far behind my heels. Memories Halloweens present and past as well as recent discoveries about people around me are keeping me quite content.

I just finished a conversation with someone I haven’t seen in months. Out of the blue we started talking about what beauty is and why humans find things beautiful. Made me think back to last year at this time where I had nothing better to do with my time other than work out algebra problems and spend hours at a coffee-shop in the next town over. Or the year before that when I was naive enough to talk about green traffic lights and your electric guitar.

Now things are different. Yesterday I found myself in one of the few pockets of the universe where several threads in my life cross. Hunger begged to be let inside but Tension had already taken a seat at our table. I proceeded to eat almost nothing the rest of the day. Later that night, Autumn was alive in the air and the fire was warm. Today, something about the sunlight outside the window was enchanting and I spent a few hours of the afternoon soaking in the solitary, peaceful, cozy ingredients of sleep.

I’m not even sure why I’m bothering to write all this down. I don’t know what it might take to get us out of this royal game of Risk/Twister/Monopoly. And I certainly don’t know how retrospection can keep me company at times like this.

(These are the moments when we like to whisper when talking and drink cold apple cider while star-gazing.)

To the readers that may wonder, I am not slipping back into some kind of anchored melancholy. My mind is in a thousand different places tonight. And I’m simply wandering through them with my words. My sentences are my footprints.

Monday will be a new day. But for right now I’m enjoying the simply pleasures of hot tea, a sweatshirt, a quiet house, and memories that are willing to do their share of the talking tonight.