Discoveries of the Universe #1

Posted on March 29, 2011

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I really am struggling with this whole writing thing. All I can think lately is that why should I say any of this stuff when I know someone else out there will not only say it but say it better than I will? What makes my words worth anything? And this is not pity-the-writer day because she’s have a bad self-esteem day. It’s bigger than that. It’s just all the jokes about how all the bloggers can’t wait in line to talk so they just take to their keyboards and spit out anything that comes to their brains. That’s not what I do, but that doesn’t make it better. All the comedians and pundits that start their paragraphs with “And all the bloggers…” just stick in my head.

There are plenty of things I don’t want to write about that are available and easy to talk about, and I can’t talk about the other half of things that I need to talk about due to relationships that are suspicious and ready to break at the mention of anything uncomfortable or disagreeable. This turns into a really difficult dichotomy that I recognize to be unhealthy but still don’t know what to do about. Being aware of the problem is the first key.

Other discoveries…

1. Sports events are really profound to me. All the humans collected into one room to celebrate a game of heart and passion. Even if you think sports are all just overblown hype filled with overpaid athletes, you can at least appreciate the spirit of a collective event. Being in the room all focused on one thing, enjoying the same night and the same event together is just so beautiful to me. We went to the Red Wings game the other night and I was so overwhelmed by this feeling, I barely knew what to do. That, combined with the fact that I went with the love of my life that has sincerely proven to be such a good partner to me that I just start feeling all squishy.

2. I have heard Chris Thile sing “Missy” live. I think I can die happy.

3. One of the silver-linings that came out of my father-in-law’s health scare over New Years is that I decided to start taking better care of myself. I’m in the best shape of my life and it’s only getting better. Onto toned arms! (I have to buy different hand weights because the ones that came with the Zumba DVDs double as maracas, which is completely ridiculous in normal, serious fitness settings.) And rock-hard calves! (The merengue is totally killing my calve muscles. Maybe I could bike with my Dad this summer?) And six-packs! (Not really! But a girl can dream.) I’m actually really thankful for this fact.

4. I was successfully able to fight for the one thing I wanted more than anything in this life: my husband. There was a lot of opposition, a lot of conflict, but in the end I really chased after what I desired and it has not returned in vain. I am so unbelievably happy right now. This is also a huge deal for my personality type because I have a fear of pressing my will on things. So now, if I can just do the same thing in the rest of my life with normal things that I want to say and do and not spiral into a fit of bitterness for the next three years of my life, I’ll have it all figured out and I will have arrived. Yes, right.

5. When something politically gets a rise out of me it’s usually because I am happy with x, so why can’t you be happy? This is an important discovery. Having a legitimate issue I completely understand, especially if it affected you or someone you love directly. For example, your son almost dying from getting vaccines. I can understand therefore, why you would have a thing against vaccines. But if you’re just upset because, well, it’s not an ideal situation, it’s really hard for me to focus and listen. Why can’t everyone just be happy and content for ten minutes? And this is not just a stop whining message… It’s just that I feel people get too upset over too many things for no reason. I’m sure in ten years I’ll look back and laugh at myself, but until then everyone needs to just relax.

A good starting point to think about: When you’re in a situation that is incredibly irritating to you and all you can think is “It can’t get any worse than this.” Well, it probably can. And then think of a worse situation, compare it to where you are, and you’ll feel at least a little bit happier.

6. Leg pains are the worst. Most of the time they will wake me in the middle of the night. The main problem with this is the time it takes for me to wake up. My leg is aching and I’m rolling around in bed before I even know it because my brain is still trying to surface from REM sleep. So I experience lots of subconscious discomfort, and several minutes of very vivid dreams until the pain is so bad that I finally realize that’s what’s happening and can wake up to get a painkiller. Since I’ve been exercising so much, these pains have nearly completely disappeared, but I got one last night. Dear legs, you will not escape the ellipticals tonight! I can’t have this happening anymore.

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